being a non partnering aro is great because we have way more time for the killings

i love this website i just feel so understood here

like to think this is why op's sc is green

close enough? ✌️🐐

chud atlantis

Hello everyone, sorry to go so long without posting something. I caught covid in August and it's taken me months to start feeling relatively back to normal. I am still struggling with fatigue and some neurological problems, so thank you for your patience!

It is rare that the McMansion ever approaches the mythical, though it is, of coursed, steeped in its own mythology -- of bootstrapism, castle doctrine and, importantly, a total commitment to individualism. No one bereft of a sense of personal mythos would build some of the houses I've posted about on this site throughout the years.

However, rarely do those houses sincerely believe their own myths, express them so utterly. Often, there's a bit of cheek involved in all those Corinthian columns, even among the knockoff Rolex set. Whenever one does swallow the (blue) kool aid, well, it's very important to me. And so, from the forgotten underwater past of the greater Houston suburbs, I bring you: Chud Atlantis

(it is always more fun to quote the front bit of that Shelley poem, because the second bit has been misappropriated by Reddit.)

Atlantic in size (8 bedrooms, 9 baths, 10,000+ square feet), and in price ($2.8 million), Chud Atlantis is proof that, for better or for worse, we used to build things in this country. (Just kidding, this house was built, astonishingly enough, in 2023.) Its existence is baffling to me not only because it is anachronistic (it belongs in the Bad 70s) but because it is Texan. This house is, in the fullest sense of the word, a transplant. Orlando is that way.

(Shall we enter, then, the eye-watery depths?)

It's important that you understand that the most significant thing about this house is that it is blue. In an age of gray supremacy, it is nice to know that tacky can still come in more unconventional shades. No one prior to this has ever looked at a piece of dyed marble and thought: I need to make this my entire personality. Not even in the 80s!

Like many McMansion owners, these do not know how to decorate. One can only presume that the furniture involved is so heavy that staging also wasn't an option. This makes the house a historical document because from this point onward such rooms will henceforth be yassified with AI.

this kitchen begs for a concept food. it begs for 'gold leaf hamburger.'

I'm not entirely convinced that the Rococo period was ugly, but its imitators commit crimes unerringly and without fail. Furniture like this sits in a room like a big glob of meat. Instead of saying 'i'm rich' what it actually communicates is: 'i'm heavy.'

I don't know how you can make so much money and yet have everything you do look like the bootleg Chanel rugs they sell outside of the subway. Like, can't you buy the real thing, dawg?

This may also be the first house whose broad aesthetic is executed by way of direct to consumer printing. The FedExification of art. Or something like that. After all, the internet loves a neologism more than it loves its elaboration.

"What should we put here to fill out this room" all-time bad answer.

Anyway, without further ado, the back:

The suburban mind yearns for the miniature golf course. The suburban mind yearns for water while it all dries up.

If you like this post and want more like it, support McMansion Hell on Patreon for as little as $1/month for access to great bonus content including a discord server, extra posts, and livestreams. (Don’t worry! This doesn’t adjust for inflation! Now’s the perfect time to join!) By the way: new subscribers can buy a year of McMansion Hell for just $12!

Not into recurring payments? Try the tip jar! McMansion Hell stocks, much like mortgage-backed securities only ever go up! For non-architecture stuff I also have a substack where I write about things like the ring cycle and going to the eye doctor.

Sometimes we have kids read nonsense words to practice their knowledge of letter sounds and how they interact without them attaching meaning to it. These are some good ones I came across today

This is the torkest take, for real

official linguistics post

usamericans living in houses made out of paper set an impossible standard of masculinity for angry men in other countries

kyoulle (french kyle) downing a nicotine redbull and attempting to put a hole through the thousand year old cobblestone wall in his bedroom

Happy Battle Against Richard Nixon's Immortal Soul Saturday

I adore the weird things people do with/for their cats, where it's clearly something the cat is demanding, but there is no clear way for the cat to have communicated that so you're just like ????????

for sure these are things that arose organically and simply became more intricate over time, but from the outside it's always like

cat: *normal meow*

human: hang on, she wants me to kickstart her rube goldberg machine

ok everyone time to start laying eggs

‎

time to start laying eggs, frightening ghoul

‎

‎

this is how blogging can have a huge impact on the lives of people and ghouls

*flies past*

* ᶠˡᶦᵉˢ ᵖᵃˢᵗ*

?????

we do need to revisit the wording of "you can't have your cake and eat it too" because i don't think it clearly enough conveys that it's more that you can't simultaneously retain a cake and also get to consume it (which would render you cakeless). for years i was like But why not....it's my cake....?

this fucking problem is how they caught the unabomber

hey you should uh. elaborate. for my own personal satisfaction

the unabomber was pedantic about idiomatic phrases like "have your cake and eat it too" and rephrased it to "eat your cake and have it too" (which to be very fair makes sense). fast forward to when he starts writing manifestos. he uses the phrase word for word in his pedantic style and his brother (who has been keeping his eyes on the unabomber shit for obvious reasons) notices the phrase and is like "oh fuck that's my fucking brother no one else fucking says that" and calls in an FBI tip

Well you can't deliberately speak in a way nobody else does and also stay anonymous you know. Can't eat your cake and have it too.